Toward the Goal

I’m on my Saturday morning run. The air is October cool, and the sun glints through the yellow canopy above me. I started my run in the city, but the buildings are behind me. Now I’m running alongside a lake.

Being out here helps me cope with the emptiness inside of my chest.

I’ve gone through a lot of goodbyes lately.  My parents are selling the home I grew up in. I moved across the state to a city I’m unfamiliar with. My friends from law school are now spread around the country.

That’s why I’m running. Because when I run, for just a moment, I feel like I’m okay.

My phone buzzes. It’s a notification from the running app on my phone. My friend David commented on the warm up I logged a few minutes ago.

David: Why are you running this early?  And on a Saturday? Some wild animal must be chasing you. What are you running from?

He’s joking. But there is truth hidden in that final question.

I am running from something. I’m trying to outrun the emptiness. I’m trying to distance myself from the loneliness that follows me like a shadow.

I’m running because, when my muscles hurt, my heart doesn’t.

I start to slow down. Even here, sadness has found me. And as it overtakes me, so does fatigue. I’ve only made it to the tip of the lake, which means I’m only halfway home.

I round the tip, my head hanging low.

But after I turn the bend, I look up. Off in the distance, I can see my apartment building. Its stacked floors rise far above the tree line. 

I feel a surge of energy. Seeing my goal makes it feel attainable. It gives me hope.

I run toward that goal.

There’s power in running toward something. Running away has reprieves but no end. Whatever is giving chase can always catch up.

But running toward something is different. There is no fear. No looking over shoulders. Only moving in the direction of something good and real and tangible.   

I don’t want to run away from my loneliness anymore. I want to run toward something.

I want to run toward Christ.

I want to trust Him to restore me. To take away the loneliness. I want Him to fill the empty places of my life in the way that only He can.

That goal gives me hope. And that hope gives me the strength to press on.