A Checkout Lane Heart Check

I’m in the checkout lane at the grocery store. My cart is full with a week’s worth of food. The cashier scans items belonging to the customer in front of me, and the conveyer belt creeps forward. Soon there will be enough room for me to start unloading my own groceries. 

I grab a bag of apples out of my cart just as a woman walks up behind me.  I turn, and I see she’s carrying only a box of cereal and a roll of paper towels.

“Excuse me,” I say. “Would you like to go ahead of me?”

The woman immediately places her items on the belt, then moves in front of me. She doesn’t thank me. She doesn’t even look at me.

And now I’m mad.

Mad that she would behave so rudely. Mad that I let her cut ahead of me. I want to repo my generosity. I blessed her, and she didn’t deserve it.

The cashier’s scanner blips as he scans the woman’s groceries. He reads off the woman’s total, and she fumbles through her purse.

And for the first time, I look closely at her. Her makeup is smeared at the corner of her eye, like she has been crying. She pulls a credit card out of her purse. She swipes her card, then wipes at her eye with the palm of her hand.

I have no idea what is going on in this woman’s life, but something is obviously wrong.

And this clearer view of this woman has given me a clearer view of my own heart.

I had assumed that I am the one who should decide who does and doesn’t deserve to be blessed.

I’m ashamed. I judged this woman unworthy of going ahead of me in line. But I myself am an unworthy and ungrateful recipient of the greatest gift of all. And the salvation that Christ has given me isn’t contingent on anything I do. In fact, it’s in spite of everything I do.

The woman grabs her bag and leaves. I’ll never know what she is going through today. But I’ll remember the lesson that she taught me.

From now on, I’ll focus on blessing others. And I’ll let God be the one to decide who deserves to be blessed.